I had a dream the other night, in which everything was set for my wedding.
I was about to marry this young man. And I had no feelings for him and nothing in common with him.
But the tables were set, the people were gathered, the priest was there, the food was prepared, the music, the flower decorations. Everything I didn’t have for either of my two marriages. All the arrangements were made.
And my heart felt heavy. A good friend was beside me and she noticed.
“What’s the matter?” she asked.
“I don’t think I want to get married”, I replied.
“Then don’t. You are free to do whatever you want”, she told me.
“You’re right”, I said.
And I stopped the wedding.
For a moment, everyone seemed suspended. But then, slowly, they started moving again. The priest took off his robe, the tables were cleared, the decorations were put away, the guests left.
My groom was disappointed. I told him I was sorry. I was also free. And so was he. There was no love between us, so it was such a relief for both of us. And life went on.
Just so you know, there is absolutely no external reason to prevent you from following your heart.
The trick is to recognise your heart’s desires, to know what they actually are, amid the illusion.
In my life, I have had several important crossroads, when I felt that I really had the freedom to choose which way to go.
I had a teacher who once said this about karma and free will:
“Karma means you have to get married. Free will means you can choose your dress.”
Maybe it was once like that. But I no longer believe it is the case, especially if you’ve done effective inner work.
I feel that we, as humanity and individually, are at an important crossroads in these times.
The future has not yet been created. Nor decided.
I remember the first time I went down a water slide.
I went up the stairs all to the top, and the height was making me dizzy. I looked around and I could see very far, in the warm sun.
Before me, there were people moving forward, going down the slide, one by one, screaming, laughing, making jokes.
My whole body was tensed and a bit painful. People kept coming up the stairs behind, and the line was advancing too fast for me.
I was faced with a choice: go back down the stairs or go down the water slide and try to enjoy the ride.
It was something I had never done before.
I didn’t care at all about what the others would think if I went back down the stairs. It was not a factor in my decision.
When my turn came, I hesitated for a second, I set down and clung to the horizontal bar, and then I let go. It was a long way down to the water pool, but she received me.
This was a moment when I was truly free to decide what to do.
I could allow my fear to take control, and go back to what I already knew or I could choose to follow my heart’s curiosity and allow my courage and desire for exploration to lead the way.
It feels I am in a similar spot now.
Radical change will claim your outdated identity. But not your heart.
Will you go back to your old ways?
Will you stick to the illusory safety of what you know?
Will you let go and allow your soul to explore new experiences?
What do you really want? I mean you, not your parents, not society, not social media, not the government, not your inherited patterns, not your education, not your history, not your fears, not your resistances, not your demons. I mean you.
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