“Why did you break up with Marina?” Ulay was asked.
“Because I thought I deserved less.” he replied.
In a world that loses its head in the increasing speed, I’d rather walk.
Barefoot, in a garden I’ve grown from seeds. With my wild kids, also grown from seeds.
I’d rather breathe.
And dream.
Perhaps I will not get far fast, but, when the times comes for me to cross the final threshold, I will know I have lived.
I will know how it feels to carry my children in my womb for nine months each and hold their movements and their weight inside my body.
I will know what my milk feels and tastes, coming out of my breasts to feed my babies.
I will know what rain feels like on my skin, as I’m crying during my evening run.
I will know what it’s like to clean the dirt under my nails after clearing the weeds from my garden.
I will know the slippery texture of slugs, as I’m picking them up from the bean leaves that they’ve cut into intricate lace.
I will know what it feels like to dance with the wind on a summer afternoon.
I will know how my belly feels when laughter moves it.
I will know what the sheets of paper from a good book feel like, under my finger tips on a windy beach.
I will know the sound of my voice singing in the car, in the light of the sunset.
I will know what it’s like to be held by friends.
I will know the smell of freshly baked sourdough bread that I’ve made from scratch.
I will know the sheer joy of finishing up a totally spontaneous, free, improvised embroidery on a linen top. A slow endeavour that will never make me lots of money or bring me fame, but that will keep making me happy every time I see the beauty.
I will know what it’s like to bloom when being loved and to wither when love is gone. The heaviness curled up in my chest when I love and let go. The lump in my throat when I say goodbye as roads split. And the butterflies of saying hello when roads meet.
What are you saying no to because you think you deserve less?
What are you not even daring to dream of?
What are you too afraid to try?
Do you remember that, before anything else, your wildest dream was to be born and to live?
Have courage, go slow and methodical about making your wildest dreams come true. I believe in you.
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